This Post is Not Epic.

Dear Middle-Schoolers:

Please be informed that the definition of the word Epic (as listed in dictionary.reference.com) is as follows:

ep·ic

  [ep-ik]  

adjective Also, ep·i·cal.

1.

noting or pertaining to a long poetic composition, usuallycentered upon a hero, in which a series of greatachievements or events is narrated in elevated style:Homer's Iliad is an epic poem.

2.

resembling or suggesting such poetry: an epic novel on the founding of the country.

3.

heroic; majestic; impressively great: the epic events of thewar.

4.

of unusually great size or extent: a crime wave of epicproportions.

noun

5.

an epic poem.

6.

epic poetry.

7.

any composition resembling an epic.

8.

something worthy to form the subject of an epic: The defense of the Alamo is an American epic.

9.

( initial capital letter ) Also called Old Ionic. the Greekdialect represented in the Iliad  and the Odyssey, apparently Aeolic modified by Ionic.

Unless your activities approach those of Odysseus or Superman or Iwo Jima, or the object being described is truly of blue whale level monstrosity, please refrain from using this word. Because frankly, with the exception of how much a few of you talk, nothing around you is Epic. And if you don't, I'll make you read real Epics, starting with Beowulf. And not the Seamus Heaney version, either.

Thanks so much,
lisa